Posted in my driver's seat, staring at the ceiling fabric/
Trynna keep warm and convince myself that I ain't never need a mattress/
surrounded by these fiends and addicts, we both need to feed our habits/
but a fairly silent night as I clench my jaw or else my teeth'll chatter/
Fist clenched, knuckles white, this troubled life I reimagine/
least I try, seems that I, can only bring myself to see the sadness/
My Mom had sought a better life for me/
And My momma's momma did the same for her/
been trapped in this vicious cycle we/
Can't seem to escape at all this cage of hurt/
I made this verse, to relieve the weight that makes me feel my brain'll burst/
But I think of days my name was cursed, days my worth they say/
is worse than cases caught by all the scum that live inside my place of birth/
The same scum, my day ones, that catch blame for who made me worse/
I've been avoiding self-reflection/
Don't want to remember what gave the deepest scars that I've been left with/

So I drink some more, then think some more/
Then I think some more, then sink some more/
Then I sink some more, can't drink no more/
So I just sink ....
Sink, to the bottom, until I think that I can't sink no more/
but the bottom fell out and it's hot as hell now, these depths right here I'd never seen before/
And I'm overwhelmed, feelin' every little bit of all I've felt/
When I was small, no skill to protect my Mom from that fucking man, from then to now that shit haunts me still/

Of course I'm thinking bout my mom again/
I'm thinking bout my momma when/
She was so young, she's so young, and didn't know better/
Little tiny girl who would grip her sweater, rode here on a boat all while being told/
That she had a new home that's away from the war and that life from now on'd be better than ever/
And I was young like her, young like her/
When she tried not to look as she walked through blood, then went and crossed that red ocean/
Then I had crossed my own too, when that man had cracked her head open/
Now I'm all grown up, not a year went by where I'm not wishing death on him/
And pain for the staples that held her together, I'd never wish no less on him/
Headstone him with bare hands , I think about the shit often/
Hate in my heart, revenge on my mind, this that shit I get lost in/
Especially now on nights like this, where I drink like this, then write like this/
And I try to dust dry wall off my fists but it sticks to the blood that's thinned and drips/
I react too much with violence/
But it's followed me for so long and seems to go wherever I've been/

I'm in a place where I'm alone with my thoughts/
And the only thing that I own is the hate I hold in my heart/
The latest person I know who's being thrown to that part/
I should've had the foresight to treat em' cold from the start/
But now I sleep in my whip, this liquor lining my guts/
Wish I had a room with a bed, I ain't been inside one for months/
Wish I had left him for dead, your dog I shoudn't gave a fuck/
You'll be the last one that I let take advantage of trust/

I've been mishandled and damaged and then I landed in mud/
I cleaned myself up but even now I be covered in rust/
And you knew this, then what?, you struck me strongest at my weakest point/
So deceitful, couldn't keep you, fuck I thought that we were boys/
We were homies, the person that I shared a home with/
If only, I had known that knowing you would leave me homeless/
And I'm hoping you hope that you never see me again/
'Cause if you do it's only hate and I ain't keeping it in/
Why's it gotta be the only good people I know/
Are no longer living, they ain't with me, they ain't keeping me whole/
I'm tired of new beginnings, I just wanna breathe through my nose/
and squeeze the trigger to release this shit that's deep in my soul/
And swims in my head, last night I wished I was dead/
The other night the same, I only seem to live with regret/
Who can I trust? No one. I'm alone when I walk/
But I've been getting so sick of being alone with my thoughts/