I wrote this song to acknowledge what I came from and how far I've come. It also served as a reminder that though anger and resentment had been used as fuel to keep me living it also consumed me until some days it was all I thought about. I knew that eventually I had to stop running away from what had hurt me and that it wouldn't go away until I confronted it and fully processed how it made me feel. Only then could I let it go and make room for the things and people I've come to adore be my new inspiration to keep pursuing the life I dream about. This is why focusing all my energy on making this album was so important.
lyrics
I am not at the top, not even at the base/
But behind me looking down I'm seeing shit I had to face/
I'm looking down this chasm filled with hazards but I handled that/
My life's been ample with those struggles it's my habitat/
Hands are cracked, callused from the pain that I have handed back/
from savage acts of ones who tried to kill me, now I'm laughing at/
em, whippin' round the city out in philly in a cadillac/
Bumpin' Living Proof, I'm good, shoot I can't be mad at that/
matter fact, damn, so this is what the surface like?/
This is where I start to lead a much more meaning purposed life/
This is so far from the hell in which I learned and earned my stripes/
And now I can heal from wounds where my former friends had turned the knife/
, and I just wanna turn the page/
Absolve myself from grudges that I'd take into my grave/
And focus on myself and what, imma make that's mine/
In the distance is this mountain that I have yet to climb/
But first I gotta let it go/
There's some things, I gotta let em' go/
First I gotta let it go
Let it go, let it go/
Breathe deep and just let it go/
I've never felt this, I've never felt this/
way, it's got me feeling selfish, to have so much control/
From down within my soul to the top in my cerebellum/
I mean I got so many options it's, hella overwhelmin/
Do I, start to build a home? God knows that I deserve it/
And I know that I have earned it, but I see now that deep down/
The place I'll go to rest from stress is yet to be determined/
'cause It's not enough for me to climb from hell and reach the surface/
Maybe, I wanna suffer more, I wanna struggle more/
Been fighting for so damn long my soul is only up for war/
it's so habitual to be so bitter though/
For me to move from my resentment s'what I wanna make this music for/
It's got me this far but it's dangerous to do/
You're bound to be burnt out by using anger as your fuel/
So I intend to make amends with what's been driving all my actions/
And enjoy the fruit I've come to bear from everything that's happened/
credits
from Chamomile,
released August 8, 2017
Produced by DJ Flip Flop
If you were a fan of the production work Steez did on here, be sure to check out his first release called Bless. He's working hard on some new music that is really going to showcase his range. Ahnom
You can't go wrong with Oddisee. Everything he has made is amazing. If any rapper has influenced me the most recently, it's hands down Oddisee. If I could be half as good as an MC as he is... Ahnom
Tope is a local hero to me from the Portland rap scene. To be real, I don't follow the local scene here too hard, but Tope will always be an artist I think of when someone mentions Portland. Ahnom
